A Name of One’s Own

“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

William Shakespeare in “Romeo and Juliet”

(this blog post was written in October of 2019)

Legally changing one’s name after divorce requires persistence, money, patience, and more hours of labor than I would like to count. Today,  two years (to the day) after my divorce was finalized in Ingham County, I am STILL referred to as and receive mail addressed to my “married” name.

That one’s name matters is a gross understatement. Many parents worry over a newborn baby’s name long before their birth. Newlyweds are among those who seek to legally change their names. Some people go by “nicknames” or family names, have a “jr.” added to the end, or seek to know the ancestry of their surname—an inquiry project that can be both joyful and painful.

Certainly, I recognize that my name-change process has come with a fair amount of privilege. I am 45, white, cisgender, and with financial means (and time) to persist in this endless endeavor. And, my trials of being called the wrong name pale in comparison to those who are mis-gendered by their (legal) names on class rosters, those who’ve had their identities stolen or misused, or those who seek to connect with biological family after adoption.

What I’m struggling with are the unknown repercussions (monetary and otherwise) of mindlessly adopting this gendered social convention.

While the unexamined practice of women “taking their husband’s name” is changing in some regions of the U.S. as societal norms transform over time, for straight couples, in 2019, it is most often women who legally change their name at the time of marriage. The time spent running around getting new drivers license isn’t necessarily seen as a burden…yet it is a burden predominantly borne by women… And most think nothing of it.

But years later, if/when that marriage ends, changing one’s name BACK is a decidedly different process.

One does not typically go into a marriage expecting to get divorced. I didn’t. However, if I had one suggestion to anyone legally “tying the knot” (of any gender or sexuality) or getting married today it would be to (legally) keep your name.

Changing one’s name is both a time consuming as well as an expressive process.

And so, I’m listing the various places that I’ve had to change my name, in hopes that this compendium is helpful to other people (particularly in academic arenas) who are embarking upon this multi-month process.

• Social Security*
• Driver’s License/Secretary of State*
• U.S. Passport Office*
• MSU Registrar’s Office*
• MSU Human Resources
• Delta SkyMiles*
• Store loyalty programs
• Every bank I have any type of account with
• Credit cards
• Health Insurance, Dental Insurance, and other Benefits cards
• Library card
• Social media
• Hair salon and other businesses who have me in their system
• Email distribution lists
• Utility companies
• School and child care emergency contact information
• Parks and Recreation website
• Veterinarian
• Doctor(s), Dentist, other medical providers
• Prescriptions
• Magazine subscriptions
• Office business cards
• Office name badge
• Conference registrations
• Professional Association Memberships
• Publications In Press
• Deal with any questions that arise by having publications listed under two (or in my case three) names on my CV.
• Online accounts
• Job applications/references/resume
• Create new email addresses and update your contacts and remind folks to remove your old email address if you are no longer checking that account.
• If you choose to change your campus email address as I did, be prepared to be blocked out of university systems — like the Learning Management Software for which we have a “single sign on”— for a period of up to 5 days. For some systems, which I assumed were connected (like IRB), this was a disruption/hiccup I had to deal with as I was working on my dissertation.

* instances where I had to have an original notarized copy of the divorce judgement either sent or provided in person.

In conclusion, I wish anyone embarking on this endeavor the very best. Reclaiming my name has been empowering. I hope it is for you, too. All in all, the whole mess has been worth it. I have reclaimed my name and that has meant the world to me.

January 2024 Update:
I am still receiving mail addressed to my former name. For the most part, I’ve decided to let it go. I am still using up cheques from pre-divorce. So far, no one has any problem cashing them.